Change your Beliefs, Change your Habits

Here's my next article for Victory Circles magazine. You get an advance preview! Would love to hear your feedback.

I love to observe whether people's words and actions are congruent. Of course, I look at myself the most critically in this regard. I become enthusiastic about an idea—perhaps even a divinely-inspired idea, promise myself or others what I will do to move things forward, then often put off the actions steps, sometimes forever. That "little voice" has all sorts of justifications, excuses, and rationalization about why I am doing this, when I will get it done, and how it's better this way (none of which I actually believe!). Sometimes the tendency to do this seems bigger than I am—sometimes I feel helpless to stop the destructive behavior, and I wonder why other people can make goals, then forge ahead to victory. If you struggle with this as well, this article will offer some insights and suggestions.

Journey with me back to my childhood for a moment. As a child I had a deep spiritual connection that didn't play well in the outside world. Around the age of nine, I shut it down, feeling it was too dangerous to let people know about it. At the same time, I was getting message from my parents that what I had to say wasn't important, that children should be seen and not heard. I learned that waiting for my mother to tell me what to do, what to wear, what to think got me in less trouble than trying to assert my independence. All this set up a habit of dissociation, an ability to go off into my own mind somewhere to buffer myself against the verbal and emotional abuse as best I could. I spent hours by myself, playing solitaire and living in books and the confines of my imagination.

While these habits may have served me as a child, as an adult they keep me stuck. It's like trying to run a race with a ball and chain around my ankle. A recent DISC assessment reminded me that I am primarily a "director" or "dominant" personality type, yet I often dissociate to victim while outwardly presenting a confident and capable front. I resist doing what I love, what I feel called to do, and instead waste a lot of time with busy work. And despite years of personal growth, coaching and therapy to "fix" me, I haven't taken the actions that would allow the new habits to take hold.

Today, during meditation, I got the answer to why this is so. Our subconscious mind is responsible for about 90-95 percent of our mental capacity, while our conscious mind is only 5-10 percent. As a result, all the affirmations in the world can't really change our behavior unless we  can rewrite the underlying beliefs that actually fuel that behavior. So while I consciously say, "I'm ready to step into my power, do my work, be successful," subconsciously I'm still saying, "It is dangerous to do my work."

There are many techniques you can use to shift beliefs. My two favorites are PSYCH-K® (see www.psych- k.com) and EFT (emotional freedom technique, www.emofree.com is official site). Both are simple and allow you to identify the underlying belief with muscle testing, then shift it through biological "rewiring."

If you question whether a belief is real or not, try this simple method for muscle testing while stating the belief out loud, with your eyes open: Put your thumb and forefinger together in a circle. Place the forefinger of your other hand  inside the circle and try to break the circle where your fingers meet, while resisting. If it is weak or "breaks," that's a no; if it is strong, that's a yes. You can also hold your arm out straight and have someone else push down on it while you are resisting. Again, if it pushes down, it's weak or no; if it holds strong, that's yes. (For descriptions of these and other methods, visit http://theamt.com/8_ways_to_muscle_test_yourself.htm.)

Once you have identified the rogue belief, it's time to change it. Find a PSYCH-K® practitioner or visit www.emofree.com (and YouTube) to find many videos on how to do it. Warning: sometimes the beliefs are tricky, and there are sub- or tangential beliefs that need to be cleared first. For example, I had a client who wanted to be the top producer in her company. When I asked permission to balance for that, I got a "no." It turned out she had some more basic beliefs around confidence and self-esteem that needed to be balanced first.

I'd love your feedback on how these work for you.

Stephanie Roth is a PSYCH-K® practitioner and a coach who uses her signature DEFOG method to help you get unstuck. She's also the Director of Dream and Product Development for www.womenssmallbiznetwork.com.