Mad Hen Society

Last Thursday I had coffee with Victoria McVicker, CEO of SafeHouse Denver. SafeHouse is the only agency in Denver providing both emergency shelter and non-residential programming specifically for women and children who are victims of domestic violence. She shared this little known statistic with me:

1 in 4 women will experience domestic abuse during her life.

That's twice as many as who will get breast cancer. Throughout October, everywhere I turned, there were pink ribbons and walks, t-shirts, and caps, 5Ks and Shopping for a Cure events. Yet October wasn't just Breast Cancer Awareness Month, it was also Domestic Abuse Awareness Month.

The reason that domestic abuse is so insidious is people don't talk about it, run for it, shop for it, or wear it on their sleeve. It's a dirty little secret, except that it's not little. It's gigantic and becoming an epidemic. Yet, because no one talks about it, there's scarce awareness. Time has come to bring this secret out from behind closed doors and take a stand for your sisters, mothers, daughters, best friends. Because with the statistics of 1 in 4, chances are pretty high that one of these women in your life will experience domestic abuse.

The very next morning I had lunch with Kathy Robertson. After her daughter Abigail, a 21-year-old student at Metro State, was brutally stabbed and shot to death in December 2007, Kathy and her husband Chuck founded an organization called Abby's Voice for The Prevention of Domestic Violence. Abby's attacker had become furious when she broke off their brief dating relationship; his rage, over the course of several months, escalated from harassment, to vandalism, to stalking, to murder.

Did you know that among women ages 16-24, 1 in 3 have been in an abusive relationship?

At first, these statistics floored me. Then I remembered Suzanne, my freshman college roommate. Suzanne was from a wealthy suburb in northern New Jersey. Thin, preppy, and 'stuck-up,' she clearly wasn't interested in making friends. When her boyfriend Wayne came to visit one weekend early in the fall, I found out why... he wouldn't let her.

Wayne was in law school, which meant he was several years older than Suzanne; maybe that was the initial draw...it certainly wasn't his looks. When he came to visit, I had to bunk with our suitemates. So it wasn't until I was in our rooms' adjoining bathroom one afternoon that I heard him hissing profanities at her and then, suddenly, the sound of her skinny body hitting the wall.

When I screamed "Suzanne?" she screamed back, "Leave us alone!" I was so stunned, so shocked, so incredulous, I didn't know what to do. And so I did nothing. I don't know what happened to Suzanne. At the end of the year I couldn't wait to get out of there. It's only now, as these statistics sink in and I think of my own two daughters, 16 and 21, I realize it's time to do something. High time.

The same day I met Kathy I attended an evening event sponsored by http://transitionsglobal.org/, where founder James Pond introduced two Cambodian survivors of human trafficking. I heard their numbing stories along with accounts of pervasive violence used against girls as young six.

As I began reflecting on all of these disturbing events, I thought too, about a young married friend who'd recently confided that her husband had begun constantly criticizing her, putting her down, and challenging her. Another close friend has been complaining for years about her spouse's rages. Actually, now as I think about it, if I count up friends with similar stories, I'd run out of fingers.

The more I think about it, the madder I get. Then I remember what guys say when women get mad, and I get even madder.

How 'bout you? Are you mad? Mad enough to do something?

If so, then I invite you to join the Madhen Society: MidChix against degradation, harm, enslavement, neglect. Madhens are women dedicated to changing the trend of violence against women.

Our primary missions are awareness-raising, friend-raising, and fund-raising. We need to support the work of organizations like SafeHouse, SafeNest, and Strengthen our Sisters. We need to take our lead from people like Sandra Ramos and the founders of MADD.

I urge you to join me and your sister chix as we work together to keep our sisters safe and sound.

If you want to learn more, please email me directly at Gretchen@midchix.com.

Thank you,

Gretchen

P.S. - MidChix is offering a free directory ad to any member who makes a donation of $25 or more to SafeHouse Denver between now and November 30th. If you have another domestic violence shelter you'd like to support and you forward me the receipt for your donation, we'd be happy to give you a free listing as well.