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Why Must They Always Be Right

Being Right – Is it THAT Important??

I am dealing with something that I can’t seem to let go, so I thought I would write about it – that always seems to help me get my mind in order.

Dealing with someone that always has to be right can potentially lead you to believe that you are not accepted for who you are. Part of my work right now is working to know that I am worth it – that I matter. So running into people like this for me, are challenging me and making me think harder about this issue.

My thoughts have been centered on why is it that there some people that press things and have to be right? I have a couple people that have crossed my path that are in my life on a regular basis but for some reason have recently hitting my frustration button. Maybe it is because one of them challenged my 7 year old daughter, who was actually right. My daughter can often press that SHE is right about something that I clearly know she is wrong about. But this situation was different, she was right. (OK, so now I am sounding like I have to be right! Hmmmm??) There are different things that happen, there are some times when someone insists that they are right and you know, like you know you are alive, that they are wrong, then there are times when it is clearly opinion and is something that everyone argues about all the time (religion, politics, abortion, etc) I am normally able to just let it go. I thought that if I reviewed the reasons why letting go is good, it would help me and perhaps also help others!

Time Management: By not having to be right – you gain a lot more time. In our busy lives there is a huge incentive to letting things go. Instead of spending time on hopping on the Internet to find why you are justified and right, putting together the email that shows how you are right and then reading whatever rebuttal is sent back, you have all that time to put towards something much more important. Why waste time trying to establish why you are right? Is it that big of a deal in the big scheme of life? Save yourself some time – Let it go!

Stress Management: Whenever we work on proving ourselves right; there is a level of conflict that arises. Sometimes this is anger and more often it is frustration. It has been proven in studies that stress impacts our health. If we can let things go and not have to prove we are right all the time our stress levels will reduce and we will be healthier.

Stronger Relationships – By always having to be right instead of letting things slide; one tends to have rockier relationships; at the very least they will be less authentic. Many times I will avoid people that need to be proving something all the time. It isn’t enjoyable to be around someone that needs to be right. And at other times, I avoid even offering my opinion because it isn’t worth it which means the other person doesn’t REALLY know me. We can improve our relationships by letting others have their opinion and knowing inside that we are right.

Ego Management – By letting things go and choosing not to argue about something; helps keep that “ego” part of ourselves in check. Keep in mind that there are MANY definitions of ego and here I mean that defensive part of ourselves, that seems to often be in a fight or flight mode. The more we exercise management of the defensive monkey brain turf thing, the stronger we become within ourselves.

It’s important to choose your battles! There are times that you should stand up! When someone is crossing your boundaries and wants you to do something, and you feel it is wrong, yes – you should stand up and ensure that you always do what feels right for you.

OK, that feels better – - anyone have any other ideas why letting go of needing to be right helps?

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Comment by Andrea Pettit on November 6, 2010 at 4:53am: Stephanie, this is a great poing... Letting go in so many different things helps bring peace AND manifestation. Thanks for this story!!

Comment by Stephanie Roth on November 3, 2010 at 11:07pm: Lots of great points, Andrea, and you got a great discussion going! Here's my $0.02.
A few weeks ago I had an amazing experience. My husband, who works nights, often gets his days mixed up. He kept insisting something happened "yesterday morning," when I KNEW it happened at 5 pm yesterday! I kept trying to show him how I was right, and he kept insisting it was the morning. The little voice inside said "Let it go," and I finally said "OK, you're right." IMMEDIATELY, he said, "Maybe it was yesterday evening."
It was the most amazing thing! As soon as I let go (whether I was right or not), he let go, too!

Comment by Lisa Berquist-Embrace Ldr W/in on November 3, 2010 at 6:58pm: Great post Andrea-- and great comments too.

Comment by Sandi Davis - Engagement Point on November 2, 2010 at 9:54am: Amy - how very couragous of you! I've had similar conversations with people in my life, mostly they didn't work out well for me in the end! You are absolutely correct that life's too short for negativity - each and every one of us is responsible for our reactions and how we approach differing opinions - respect and dignity should be right up there at the front of the conversation. You handled your conversation very kindly :)

Comment by Andrea Pettit on November 2, 2010 at 7:57am: Hi Amy, Great example of this! I admire that you dealt with it directly through communication, that is a big plus! Hopefully that next time works out great!

Comment by Amy Herrmann on November 1, 2010 at 8:20pm: I just had a very similar conversation with the "man in my life". When we are talking about politics, he HAS to be RIGHT. It always ends up in heated conversation or me or others just throwing up our arms in frustration and disengaging from the convertation. The other day he told me he was a bit angry at his son (25) as they were talking about politics and his son made a flippant remark to his Dad. His Dad didn't like that and complained to me. I offered him the following feedback: from one don't need to be right all the time to the guy that needs to be right: I said, in my experience of you, when we are discussing politics, I very seldom feel listened to and also feel that my opinions aren't worth anything. A bit invalidated. Perhaps if the next time you speak to your son, if you could approach him with an open mind, and really listen to what he has to say, he'll fee validated and you'll have a nice exchange. After all, life is too short for negativity. We'll see what happens next time...

Comment by Andrea Pettit on October 30, 2010 at 7:06pm: Thanks Sandi! You make lots of great points - I think many people will feel the same as you do - we can learn things by keeping an open mind and looking later verses just assuming we are right and never looking into it.

Comment by Sandi Davis - Engagement Point on October 30, 2010 at 8:32am: Wonderful post! I am a person that likes to be right (aren't we all to some degree?) I've found that for me, unless is really is critical, I do let it go BUT I do like to check my facts when I have a moment later. It's not to prove to the other person(s) that I'm right (again, unless it's life altering, who cares?) I check because I want to be sure I have the right info, for my own sanity. :) Even if it's something I'm absolutely sure of (like you know you're alive!) depending on the person and how adamant they are about it - I am much more likely to keep my mouth shut than start a debate. The debate is often more stressful than questioning myself on whether or not something is accurate (or if I'm right!).
I'm in agreement that gathering facts simply to prove someone wrong is a huge time waster! Should it be life altering info, it may be best to share - otherwise, I move on with the knowledge that I wasn't crazy.
And sometimes, I'm wrong. I usually find out later (fact checking!). That's okay, now I know!

Why Must They Always Be Right

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